The basis of any relationship is mutual respect. So often we are so busy keeping our close ones happy that we forget to address what makes us unhappy. We let people intrude into our personal space little by little or let them take us for granted and then wonder why are we so unhappy. It could be something as simple as your partner not calling you to inform that he/she won’t be able to make it for lunch/dinner, every time he/she misses it; or your child informing about a project at the last minute; or something else.

To have a mutually respectful relationship it is important that ‘both’ the parties give each other respect. This starts with setting boundaries. Boundaries are not walls that trap you in; they are fences that show people where the door is. To build a successful boundary follow the steps mentioned below:

1. Become aware of what gets you irritated:

First step is to realise and understand what habits of your partner or closed ones irk you. This will be something that makes you most uncomfortable in your body when it happens. Something that will make you lash out at them and it would require severe patience from your side to keep your calm that time.

2. Communicate it to the other party:

Once you are aware, second step is to communicate it to them with a calm mind and preferably not right at the time when it happens. Because when you tell them right when it happens, it most likely will turn into a fight with both the parties trying to prove themselves right. In stead, when you tell them with a cool mind at a time when the other person does not have to get defensive they hear with a more open mind.

3. Tell them why it is important to you:

Third step is to tell the other person why it is important to you. Be frank and tell them exactly how the behaviour makes you feel. Once they understand how you feel they will be more receptive to accepting the boundaries you are setting. When the other person understands you are not blaming them, and it’s more to do with you, their heart automatically opens to the idea.

4. Listen to the other party without judgement:

Once the other person has heard you out, chances are he/she would want to justify his/her actions as to why they did what they did. This will happen because they now feel bad that you felt bad. No one wants to be the reason to make their loved ones unhappy. So they justify out of love and not to prove themselves right. Once you hear them without judgement and with love they feel heard too and it’s a closure for both parties.

With the above steps you’re sure to create a successful boundary. Having your boundary does wonders to your relationship. It increases your self worth. It makes the relationship better. It also makes you more peaceful because now you’re not wasting your energy on things that upset you continuously. It also increases your worth with your partner because the truth is people respect those relationships more where they have to invest more.